1) Please stop drinking so much that when we go home together I have to deal with your alcohol-induced impotence issues.
2) a. My friends really don’t care if you make them laugh or not, please stop trying to, it’s making me cringe.
b. What is that I hear? Trying to impress them? Stop it! Don’t start talking about other girls you’ve been with to try and impress my guy friends, they’ll love that you’re being a dick in front of me, and yeah, that probably will impress them, but you deal with me when we go to my house after the night is done. Don’t make me send you home.
3) Never speak to me like you’re a young child, I’m not your mother, I will not kiss your eyelids before you go to bed or scratch your back.
